Thought Provoking #19

WRONG-PERSONIn 1983 Galway Kinnell won the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry. I’ve read a few of his collections in awe. I ran across these words from him and it really touched me.

I’ve written so many pieces about love and how right and wrong it can be. Mr. Kinnell’s words actually make a lot of sense to me. I love the line:  “If you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong.”

I’ve often written the words, we attract who we are. You may have been in relationships where you totally grew to hate or severely despise the other person. Why?  Because some of that very behavior we despise in another person is within us. We attract and are attracted to people who cause us to take a deeper look at ourselves. I’ve always maintained that God put certain men (and people) in my life to teach me some valuable lessons.  If you take the time to sit back and think on past relationships with honesty, you’ll realize that person showed you things about yourself that you needed to know.  It may have been painful but the lesson was there to learn.  For me, that’s what Mr. Kinnell means by wrong in some complimentary way.

In loving someone else we can only give what we have. Period! We can’t give them what we don’t have. We also can’t be for them what they aren’t.  The bible refers to it as being unevenly yoked.  I refer to it as loving equally. When it’s not equal there will always be someone who has more power. There will be someone who gives more.  The only place that leads — is to resentment.  So how do you know if you’re in an equal loving relationship?

When you know within your heart that everything you have and can do, your partner already has and can do for him or herself. 

No one comes without static cling.  We’re all flawed.  It’s literally impossible to find someone who has every single thing we desire in life.  I guess the idea in this piece from Mr. Kinnell is accurate, we find that special person who is wrong for us in just the right way and our scars fall in love.  If done with an open heart and complete honesty, we heal those scars through love.

What do his words mean to you? Please share.

2 thoughts on “Thought Provoking #19

  1. Love these kinds of questions and topics! I agree with Kinnell in most everything he proports except with “…that you’re ready to find a lifelong mate.” “Lifelong”, sure but “Mate” in the singular; not necessarily correct for everyone. Why not mates, plural? Here’s possible answers:

    Fact #1 – everything in this Universe and everyone on this planet is always changing, growing, learning (we hope), and evolving? Semi-abstract supportive point: Why do we no longer use salt to store our perishable foods?

    Edgar Cayce’s book “Soul Mates: Unlocking the Dynamics of Soul Attraction” is an exceptional spiritual understanding of the many infinite benefits of soul MATES. Highly recommended short read! Also, a fellow blogger I follow has two exceptional posts on the subject of perceived failed relationships. If interested Shannon’s two posts can be found at and the sequel at They are both great reads.

    So my question back to Kinnell or anyone who feels you’ve reached “love nirvana”, if you will, is when you’re apparently well-learned in love…why stop? Furthermore, living on planet with 7 billion people, why does anyone put such god-like expectations on ONE person to fulfill those ‘love needs/wants’ for all of your remaining days? Is any one person on any given day/week, able to meet another’s evolving love needs/wants? Why put all your eggs in that one perverbial basket?

    But knowing what I’ve learned and experienced in the alternative lifestyles, the dynamics and management of those increased dynamics go beyond conceived (or preconceived) notions of interrelationships. Too big a subject for this comment section, obviously. 😉

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