Thought Provoking #19

WRONG-PERSONIn 1983 Galway Kinnell won the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry. I’ve read a few of his collections in awe. I ran across these words from him and it really touched me.

I’ve written so many pieces about love and how right and wrong it can be. Mr. Kinnell’s words actually make a lot of sense to me. I love the line:  “If you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong.”

I’ve often written the words, we attract who we are. You may have been in relationships where you totally grew to hate or severely despise the other person. Why?  Because some of that very behavior we despise in another person is within us. We attract and are attracted to people who cause us to take a deeper look at ourselves. I’ve always maintained that God put certain men (and people) in my life to teach me some valuable lessons.  If you take the time to sit back and think on past relationships with honesty, you’ll realize that person showed you things about yourself that you needed to know.  It may have been painful but the lesson was there to learn.  For me, that’s what Mr. Kinnell means by wrong in some complimentary way.

In loving someone else we can only give what we have. Period! We can’t give them what we don’t have. We also can’t be for them what they aren’t.  The bible refers to it as being unevenly yoked.  I refer to it as loving equally. When it’s not equal there will always be someone who has more power. There will be someone who gives more.  The only place that leads — is to resentment.  So how do you know if you’re in an equal loving relationship?

When you know within your heart that everything you have and can do, your partner already has and can do for him or herself. 

No one comes without static cling.  We’re all flawed.  It’s literally impossible to find someone who has every single thing we desire in life.  I guess the idea in this piece from Mr. Kinnell is accurate, we find that special person who is wrong for us in just the right way and our scars fall in love.  If done with an open heart and complete honesty, we heal those scars through love.

What do his words mean to you? Please share.

Thought Provoking #18


I don’t have daughters but I do have nieces and young women I mentor.  This quote by talk show host Steve Harvey is exactly what every young woman should be told over and over until it sinks in.

Young girls/women today have tons of peer pressure and the media telling them they have to dress provocative to get attention from a man.

Caption reads:  “Just because you dress like a Slut doesn’t mean you’re a slut.  And just because I act like a rapist doesn’t mean I’m a Rapist.”

Often I see young girls and ask, “How did her mother let her out of the house like that?”


This photo is tagged “Prom dress”  Prom dresses didn’t look like this when I went to the prom.  It’s unfortunate that young girls are starting to dress this way at a very early age.  Mothers, talk to your daughters. Fathers, talk to your daughters.   It’s important for young women to have healthy self-esteem.


Thought Provoking #17


A mentor once said to me, “You attract what you are!”   It was mind-blowing for me. I’d had a few failed relationships that I had a hard time reconciling in my 20s. Why? Why did he hurt me? What did I do?  The things I really didn’t like about myself were being mirrored in the relationships I was having.   To make a long story short – I grew from those experiences.  I learned to stop asking why and wondering for months on end what I did wrong.  It’s really a matter of self esteem. As my self esteem grew stronger, because let’s face it, your 20s are the biggest learning curve of your life, my needs, desires and wants grew stronger.

I’m not a big fan of Dr. Phil but I do hold firm to his phrase, “We teach people how to treat us.”  If you’re in a  no-win relationship step back and do some analysis.   The only reason you’re staying is because you’ve subconsciously convinced yourself  it’s what you deserve. It must be! You’re still in it but you’re still miserable waiting for things to change.  It might sound like a cliche but there is truth in: The only person you can change is you!  

If you subconsciously don’t believe that you deserve BETTER, you won’t get it.

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote:

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in.”

Happy Valentines Day


Why SCANDAL is a hit TV Show

ImageWith 6.2 million weekly viewers, it’s no surprise that ABC’s Thursday night drama “Scandal” has everyone buzzing. I’m heavily invested in this show. You can log on to Facebook on any given day and find thousands of users discussing the ins and outs of Olivia Pope & Associates.  Since it’s
April 5, 2012 debut, Creator- Head Writer and Executive Producer Shonda Rhimes has taken viewers on a joyous thrill ride into the darker side of DC politics.

What’s the secret to Scandal’s Success?

Aside from a stellar cast, the writing team on this show is phenomenal.  ShondaLand’s writers are some of the brightest in the business:

Heather Mitchell  (Medium & Grey’s Anatomy)
Matt Byrne  (Grey’s Anatomy)
Richard E. Robbins  (Rubicon & TV News Documentaries)
Mark Wilding  (Grey’s Anatomy & Charmed)
Jenna Bans  (co-creator & writer Grey’s Anatomy)
Mark Fish  (Damages & The OC)
Raamla Mohamed  (Grey’s Anatomy)
Chris Van Dusen  (Grey’s Anatomy & Private Practice)
Peter Noah  (The West Wing)

I always notice when people are discussing Scandal they always credit Shonda.  The truth is Shonda has only written three of the episodes for Scandal. Being the head writer I’m certain she gets the last word but let’s face it, Shonda is a busy lady.  Her credited episodes were:

“Sweet Baby” – April 5, 2012  (Pilot Episode #1)
Young lawyer Quinn Perkins is in awe when she is invited to join Olivia Pope and Associates, a crisis management firm designed to protect and defend the public images of the nation’s elite. Quinn works alongside her idol Olivia Pope, a woman who is willing to help her clients no matter what the cost. But when decorated war veteran Sullivan St. James is accused of murder and a White House intern, Amanda Tanner, accuses President Fitzgerald Grant of having an affair, Quinn discovers that nothing is as it seems.

“Grant For the People” -May 17, 2012  (Season 1 – Episode #7)
The team rushes to help Quinn when she finds herself in a compromising position. A reluctant Cyrus must turn to Olivia when the Vice President’s Chief of Staff Billy Chambers makes a public announcement that shakes the Grant Administration, The White House, and Olivia to the core.

“Happy Birthday, Mr. President” – December 6, 2012    (Season 2 -Episode #15)
President Grant is rushed to the hospital following the attempt on his life. A series of flashbacks reveals more about Olivia’s time in the White House and her relationship with the president. Despite Olivia’s best efforts to retain the office of president for President Grant, Vice President Langston is inaugurated as president to serve until President Grant recovers.

The woman behind ShondaLand

At 43, (born January 13, 1970) Shonda Rhimes is a dynamic force in Hollywood these days. She, along with creative partner Betsy Beers,  has given ABC three hit shows, Grey’s Anatomy which has run consistently to a large audience since March 2005.  Private Practice which aired September 2007 until January 22, 2013, and now Scandal, which hopefully will run as long as Grey’s Anatomy has.


While Shonda is most famous for Grey’s Anatomy, she was also the writer for several other hits, including the 1999 movie ” Introducing Dorothy Dandridge” which put Halle Berry’s career on the map. In 2001 she wrote the movie for Britney Spears film debut “Crossroads” for which she was nominated for a Razzy award. She also wrote the Princess Diaries 2-Royal Engagement in 2004.


I’m certainly convinced that anything she touches will turn to gold.

Shonda has a bachelor’s degree from Dartmouth (1991) and a master of fine arts (MFA) from the University of Southern California’s School of Cinema-Television.  She was born in Chicago, Illinois and is the youngest of 5 children born to a university administrator and a college professor. She has two adopted daughters  Harper Rhimes and Emerson Rhimes.

On  December 11, 2012 there was an article published by the IndieWire where someone asked her the question:  “Why all the gay and lesbian story lines?”  of which she answered:

Because I believe everyone should get to see themselves reflected on TV. EVERYONE. And because I love all my gay and lesbian friends. AND because I think same-sex marriage is the civil rights fight of our era and back when being a person of color was the civil rights fight, people like Norman Lear put black people on TV and helped change some minds. So you know, it’s gotta be paid forward. As long as we are willing to sit by while one person is not free, none of us are free.

And FINALLY: because as long as someone feels like it is okay to ask the question “why all the gay people on your shows”, then there is still a HUGE problem that needs to be solved. It’s like asking “Why all the black people on your shows”. (Which is, in fact, why there are also a lot of people of color on my shows . Cause people keep asking. Like it’s unusual. Which means we have a LONG way to go). Okay, done preaching.

Shonda is changing television as we know it. Her answer to the question above says it all. I shake my head when I think she has not won an Emmy Award.  Her wins to date have been:

PGA award by Writer’s Guild of America for TV Producer of the year 2007 – Grey’s Anatomy
Lucy Award (Women in Film) for excellence and innovation in her creative works that have enhanced the perception of women through the medium of television – in 2007

NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Dramas Series, Grey’s Anatomy – 2007

NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Writing – Grey’s Anatomy – 2008

NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Writing – Private Practice – 2008

(2) NAACP Image Awards for Outstanding Writing – Grey’s Anatomy – 2009

Nominated for three Emmys in 2006 and 2007 but has not won one yet. (Shocking)

Shonda Rhimes & ShondaLand writers/actors and staff – I salute you today. Keep a place in your offices for that Emmy because I personally believe it’s coming.


Thursday has become my favorite TV night of the week anticipating where this show will go next.
Kerry Washington rocks as Olivia Pope and the on-screen chemistry between her and Tony Goldwyn (remember him in Ghost?)  is so tantalizing.   The entire cast, Columbus Short (Harrison Wright), Darby Stanchfield (Abby Whelan), Katie Lowes (Quinn Perkins/Lindsey Dwyer), Jeff Perry (Cyrus Beene), Joshua Malina (David Rosen), Bellamy Young (Mellie Grant), Gregg Henry (Hollis Doyle), and Dan Bucatinsky (James) have all gelled together so well.

Whose your favorite Scandal character?  I have to admit mine is HUCK!  Guillermo Díaz has come a long way since the movie “Half-Baked” with Dave Chappelle.

Oh how I love this show.

Thought provoking #16


Like you, throughout my life, I’ve had some disappointments with jobs, relationships, family and friends. I’ve been in the “pit” when I felt so low I wondered if I would ever smile again.  Like Lucille Ball says, “You have to keep busy and make optimism a way of life.”  It’s easier said than done but whenever I find myself going to a dark place because of some life event – I’ve learned to busy myself.  Go for a walk, clean out your closet, bake a cake or volunteer your free time. What you can’t do is wallow in self-pity. If you focus only on what’s bringing you down, it will keep you down.

Thanks Lucy.

Thought Provoking #15


This lovely quote can be attributed to Dr. Mitchell Perry, a psychotherapist.

I’ve always felt that judgment is one trait that all humans share. It’s ugly, but we do it. We all know someone who judges others constantly, with vigor, and others who simply make snap judgments. I personally believe we judge other people by the way we perceive ourselves.

What irritates me is for a person to judge a “situation” they themselves have never encountered.  Years ago I worked with a woman who judged everyone for everything.  (She was a miserable person. We’ll call her Miss Judgment.)  Another woman who also worked with us had been very ill and out on sick leave a lot.  She came back from one of her sick leaves with a different appearance.  She had on a shiny blonde wig.  Miss Judgment took one look at her and blurted out: “Why does she have that ugly wig on? You can tell it’s a wig! She looks silly!  I would never wear a wig!”  I looked her straight in her face and said, “This is not a known fact but she has battled cancer which is why she has been out so much this year.”  Miss Judgment’s total expression changed and she felt bad but it didn’t stop her from continuing to judge others.  Some people are really that miserable.  The only way they can feel good about themselves is to constantly judge and pull others apart.

I’m making a diligent effort to not judge what I don’t know.  We all have different situations, different upbringings, different environments and different issues.  I read a statement from someone once on judging and he said it’s an “undo-it-yourself-project”.

So perhaps the next time you find yourself in a situation where you’re judging someone’s situation that you’ve never encountered, you’ll remember this wonderful quote and you won’t do it.