I discovered YouBetterPreach dot com from Facebook. It’s actually refreshing to find a man dispensing such valuable information for women. What we deal with, and this goes for both men and women, is often tied to our own issues of self-worth. If you’re not getting what you want in the relationship, don’t blame the other party, take a look in the mirror. I’ll continue to say it: “We teach people how to treat us.” (Dr. Phil gets the credit for the quote) Isn’t it time to get off the clearance rack?
Hello All, First let me say it’s good to be back to WordPress. It’s been awhile and all I can say is LIFE HAPPENS! I’m sure I’ll blog about it soon but for now i wanted to carry on with my Thought Provoking series. I ran across a really cool Pinterest page called “We All Need Saving Sometimes” Lots of thought provoking quotes there. This one caught my attention and I don’t even need to elaborate on it. The message is perfectly clear.
I don’t have daughters but I do have nieces and young women I mentor. This quote by talk show host Steve Harvey is exactly what every young woman should be told over and over until it sinks in.
Young girls/women today have tons of peer pressure and the media telling them they have to dress provocative to get attention from a man.
Caption reads: “Just because you dress like a Slut doesn’t mean you’re a slut. And just because I act like a rapist doesn’t mean I’m a Rapist.”
Often I see young girls and ask, “How did her mother let her out of the house like that?”
This photo is tagged “Prom dress” Prom dresses didn’t look like this when I went to the prom. It’s unfortunate that young girls are starting to dress this way at a very early age. Mothers, talk to your daughters. Fathers, talk to your daughters. It’s important for young women to have healthy self-esteem.
DON’T SHOW ALL YOUR GOODS!
A mentor once said to me, “You attract what you are!” It was mind-blowing for me. I’d had a few failed relationships that I had a hard time reconciling in my 20s. Why? Why did he hurt me? What did I do? The things I really didn’t like about myself were being mirrored in the relationships I was having. To make a long story short – I grew from those experiences. I learned to stop asking why and wondering for months on end what I did wrong. It’s really a matter of self esteem. As my self esteem grew stronger, because let’s face it, your 20s are the biggest learning curve of your life, my needs, desires and wants grew stronger.
I’m not a big fan of Dr. Phil but I do hold firm to his phrase, “We teach people how to treat us.” If you’re in a no-win relationship step back and do some analysis. The only reason you’re staying is because you’ve subconsciously convinced yourself it’s what you deserve. It must be! You’re still in it but you’re still miserable waiting for things to change. It might sound like a cliche but there is truth in: The only person you can change is you!
If you subconsciously don’t believe that you deserve BETTER, you won’t get it.
Elizabeth Gilbert wrote:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in.”
Happy Valentines Day
Like you, throughout my life, I’ve had some disappointments with jobs, relationships, family and friends. I’ve been in the “pit” when I felt so low I wondered if I would ever smile again. Like Lucille Ball says, “You have to keep busy and make optimism a way of life.” It’s easier said than done but whenever I find myself going to a dark place because of some life event – I’ve learned to busy myself. Go for a walk, clean out your closet, bake a cake or volunteer your free time. What you can’t do is wallow in self-pity. If you focus only on what’s bringing you down, it will keep you down.
This lovely quote can be attributed to Dr. Mitchell Perry, a psychotherapist.
I’ve always felt that judgment is one trait that all humans share. It’s ugly, but we do it. We all know someone who judges others constantly, with vigor, and others who simply make snap judgments. I personally believe we judge other people by the way we perceive ourselves.
What irritates me is for a person to judge a “situation” they themselves have never encountered. Years ago I worked with a woman who judged everyone for everything. (She was a miserable person. We’ll call her Miss Judgment.) Another woman who also worked with us had been very ill and out on sick leave a lot. She came back from one of her sick leaves with a different appearance. She had on a shiny blonde wig. Miss Judgment took one look at her and blurted out: “Why does she have that ugly wig on? You can tell it’s a wig! She looks silly! I would never wear a wig!” I looked her straight in her face and said, “This is not a known fact but she has battled cancer which is why she has been out so much this year.” Miss Judgment’s total expression changed and she felt bad but it didn’t stop her from continuing to judge others. Some people are really that miserable. The only way they can feel good about themselves is to constantly judge and pull others apart.
I’m making a diligent effort to not judge what I don’t know. We all have different situations, different upbringings, different environments and different issues. I read a statement from someone once on judging and he said it’s an “undo-it-yourself-project”.
So perhaps the next time you find yourself in a situation where you’re judging someone’s situation that you’ve never encountered, you’ll remember this wonderful quote and you won’t do it.
I’ve always attempted to live my life in such a way that I have no regrets, but I do falter. We all do. We’ve all had difficult jobs, relationships and friendships that have driven us to the brink of insanity. They didn’t all start out that way. Maybe I’ve finally reached a level of maturity where
“I get it.”
When we’re going through the THICK of drama; when the love relationship turns out to be less than stellar it’s difficult to see our way. It is only after the dust has settled that we arrive at a place of peace with everything. We realize that job, while we had it, allowed us to eat and pay our bills. We realize that relationship taught us valuable lessons about who we are at our core. We realize that friendship, while only for a season, was just what we needed at the time.
If it brought you to who you are today, don’t regret. Embrace it because one time it did make you smile.
As another year comes to a close I wish you all peace, love, happiness, joy and many blessings in the New year.
In 2013 think about letting go of anything that does not bring you to your greater good. I leave you with two quotes, both by Iyanla Vanzant:
“Anything you attempt to control – CONTROLS YOU!”
“What other people think of you is none of your business!”
HAVE A SAFE NEW YEAR CELEBRATION!
Being born in the late 50s and raised in the 60s I often find myself having conversations with other baby boomers (people born during the demographic post-World War II baby boom between the years 1946 and 1964) about simpler times. All baby boomers will agree, much has changed since then. I’ve always felt that the digital age has ruined children. It amazes me on Christmas day that we don’t see more young people out and about riding new bicycles, skateboards and the like. When I was a child my siblings and I couldn’t wait to get outside to play. We might stop in for a brief bologna sandwich but we were right back outside playing, and we wouldn’t come in until it was dinner time or the street lights came on, whichever came first. I credit the childhood obesity problem to this new digital platform. Game Boys, Xbox, Nintendo, IPads and flat screen TVs in their bedrooms.
This Ecard made me laugh because it’s true. “When I was 10 – Outside was the best thing for play.” So here’s to all of you who remember the good ole days when outside was all you had to play with. Our children have no clue how wonderful that really was.
Being a woman has its challenges. Any woman reading this will agree with me. For centuries, it’s just the way it is. We are mothers, fathers, employees, cooks, housekeepers, taxi-drivers, and many of us balance our household budgets attempting to avoid falling off our own fiscal cliffs. We give and give until there is absolutely nothing left. There always seems to be one more thing to do. In short, we’re tired as hell!
In 2013 I’ve made a conscious decision (not a resolution) to take some time for myself. I want to do something every single day that I can say is “just for me.” It could be stealing 20 minutes to read a chapter in a book, or going for a walk in the neighborhood. At this point I’d appreciate simply sitting still for 30 minutes with my eyes closed.
Steal a little time for yourself in the upcoming year.
In 2013 – BE THE QUEEN! Happy Holidays!