A Spiritual Love (by request)

“We have to treat people like we want to be treated and not like we’ve been mistreated. “

There is no higher joy than giving without asking anything in return, especially when we give unconditional love.

Selfishness divides us and we claim superiority over one another in the name of love.  Why we have problems loving is because we make love too restrictive.  It has too many rules, regulations and expectations.  Spiritual love is not about tradition and sentiment.  Spiritual love is about truth, trust, acceptance and a willing faith.  It’s about seeing God through another person and allowing God to love us through another person.

 Love can escape the restrictive boxes in which we contain it.

 I can’t complete the picture for someone else. I’m not that strong or Godly.  The purpose of relationship is not to have another person complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.  Love is a passion which does not take into consideration any reward, utilization or return. It’s Spiritual, clothed in total acceptance

It can be difficult to let go of some of the baggage we carry around with us from one relationship to the next but we need to let it go. Otherwise we will be let go.  You can’t start the engine of a new vehicle with the key from your former vehicle.

A relationship needs a foundation and two willing builders. The outside of a person tells us nothing about what is inside.  We must begin to look at people from the inside out instead of the outside in.  That’s why so many people are living lonely lives.  Choosing love is not like choosing fruit.  The cantaloupe might be smooth on the outside but once you cut it open it’s bitter.  The cantaloupes that have the lumps and bumps are usually the ones that are the sweetest.  (read that again!)

Love blossoms where differences are respected and people are allowed to be themselves, rather than something that someone else wants or needs them to be. I can’t be everything for you because I have a hard enough time being enough for myself.  Sometimes we don’t have all the answers.  Sometimes we’re wrong. We must learn to give up the need to be right.  There is no right or wrong…it just is!  That is the essence of spiritual love.

We all have an inherent need to merge with those we love. But we simultaneously desire the comfort of detachment. Love requires a certain amount of freedom.  You don’t have to stop living just because you are sharing a life with another person. Spiritual love is not caged.

God is attempting to show us the essence of Spiritual Love.  It’s all around us if we would only open our hearts to it.  Sometimes we have to take risks.  We have to step out on faith.  How can we reach out to each other if we aren’t courageous enough to let others see who we really are and what we need?   

“……………but the greatest of these is LOVE”

1 Corinthians 13

(c) 2005

Advertisements

Thought Provoking #21

 

respect-youI discovered YouBetterPreach dot com from Facebook. It’s actually refreshing to find a man dispensing such valuable information for women.  What we deal with, and this goes for both men and women, is often tied to our own issues of self-worth.  If you’re not getting what you want in the relationship, don’t blame the other party, take a look in the mirror. I’ll continue to say it: “We teach people how to treat us.” (Dr. Phil gets the credit for the quote)  Isn’t it time to get off the clearance rack?

Thought Provoking #20

KFC
Hello All, First let me say it’s good to be back to WordPress.  It’s been awhile and all I can say is LIFE HAPPENS!  I’m sure I’ll blog about it soon but for now i wanted to carry on with my Thought Provoking series.   I ran across a really cool Pinterest page called “We All Need Saving Sometimes”  Lots of thought provoking quotes there.  This one caught my attention and I don’t even need to elaborate on it.  The message is perfectly clear.

Thought Provoking #19

WRONG-PERSONIn 1983 Galway Kinnell won the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry. I’ve read a few of his collections in awe. I ran across these words from him and it really touched me.

I’ve written so many pieces about love and how right and wrong it can be. Mr. Kinnell’s words actually make a lot of sense to me. I love the line:  “If you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong.”

I’ve often written the words, we attract who we are. You may have been in relationships where you totally grew to hate or severely despise the other person. Why?  Because some of that very behavior we despise in another person is within us. We attract and are attracted to people who cause us to take a deeper look at ourselves. I’ve always maintained that God put certain men (and people) in my life to teach me some valuable lessons.  If you take the time to sit back and think on past relationships with honesty, you’ll realize that person showed you things about yourself that you needed to know.  It may have been painful but the lesson was there to learn.  For me, that’s what Mr. Kinnell means by wrong in some complimentary way.

In loving someone else we can only give what we have. Period! We can’t give them what we don’t have. We also can’t be for them what they aren’t.  The bible refers to it as being unevenly yoked.  I refer to it as loving equally. When it’s not equal there will always be someone who has more power. There will be someone who gives more.  The only place that leads — is to resentment.  So how do you know if you’re in an equal loving relationship?

When you know within your heart that everything you have and can do, your partner already has and can do for him or herself. 

No one comes without static cling.  We’re all flawed.  It’s literally impossible to find someone who has every single thing we desire in life.  I guess the idea in this piece from Mr. Kinnell is accurate, we find that special person who is wrong for us in just the right way and our scars fall in love.  If done with an open heart and complete honesty, we heal those scars through love.

What do his words mean to you? Please share.

Thought Provoking #18

steve

I don’t have daughters but I do have nieces and young women I mentor.  This quote by talk show host Steve Harvey is exactly what every young woman should be told over and over until it sinks in.

Young girls/women today have tons of peer pressure and the media telling them they have to dress provocative to get attention from a man.

perception
Caption reads:  “Just because you dress like a Slut doesn’t mean you’re a slut.  And just because I act like a rapist doesn’t mean I’m a Rapist.”

Often I see young girls and ask, “How did her mother let her out of the house like that?”

prom-dress

This photo is tagged “Prom dress”  Prom dresses didn’t look like this when I went to the prom.  It’s unfortunate that young girls are starting to dress this way at a very early age.  Mothers, talk to your daughters. Fathers, talk to your daughters.   It’s important for young women to have healthy self-esteem.

DON’T SHOW ALL YOUR GOODS!

Thought Provoking #17

lOVE-DESERVE

A mentor once said to me, “You attract what you are!”   It was mind-blowing for me. I’d had a few failed relationships that I had a hard time reconciling in my 20s. Why? Why did he hurt me? What did I do?  The things I really didn’t like about myself were being mirrored in the relationships I was having.   To make a long story short – I grew from those experiences.  I learned to stop asking why and wondering for months on end what I did wrong.  It’s really a matter of self esteem. As my self esteem grew stronger, because let’s face it, your 20s are the biggest learning curve of your life, my needs, desires and wants grew stronger.

I’m not a big fan of Dr. Phil but I do hold firm to his phrase, “We teach people how to treat us.”  If you’re in a  no-win relationship step back and do some analysis.   The only reason you’re staying is because you’ve subconsciously convinced yourself  it’s what you deserve. It must be! You’re still in it but you’re still miserable waiting for things to change.  It might sound like a cliche but there is truth in: The only person you can change is you!  

If you subconsciously don’t believe that you deserve BETTER, you won’t get it.

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote:

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in.”

Happy Valentines Day

single-status

Thought Provoking #15

judging

This lovely quote can be attributed to Dr. Mitchell Perry, a psychotherapist.

I’ve always felt that judgment is one trait that all humans share. It’s ugly, but we do it. We all know someone who judges others constantly, with vigor, and others who simply make snap judgments. I personally believe we judge other people by the way we perceive ourselves.

What irritates me is for a person to judge a “situation” they themselves have never encountered.  Years ago I worked with a woman who judged everyone for everything.  (She was a miserable person. We’ll call her Miss Judgment.)  Another woman who also worked with us had been very ill and out on sick leave a lot.  She came back from one of her sick leaves with a different appearance.  She had on a shiny blonde wig.  Miss Judgment took one look at her and blurted out: “Why does she have that ugly wig on? You can tell it’s a wig! She looks silly!  I would never wear a wig!”  I looked her straight in her face and said, “This is not a known fact but she has battled cancer which is why she has been out so much this year.”  Miss Judgment’s total expression changed and she felt bad but it didn’t stop her from continuing to judge others.  Some people are really that miserable.  The only way they can feel good about themselves is to constantly judge and pull others apart.

I’m making a diligent effort to not judge what I don’t know.  We all have different situations, different upbringings, different environments and different issues.  I read a statement from someone once on judging and he said it’s an “undo-it-yourself-project”.

So perhaps the next time you find yourself in a situation where you’re judging someone’s situation that you’ve never encountered, you’ll remember this wonderful quote and you won’t do it.

Thought Provoking #14

no=regrets

I’ve always attempted to live my life in such a way that I have no regrets, but I do falter.  We all do. We’ve all had difficult  jobs, relationships and friendships that have driven us to the brink of insanity.   They didn’t all start out that way.  Maybe I’ve finally reached a level of maturity where
“I get it.”

When we’re going through the THICK of drama; when the love relationship turns out to be less than stellar it’s difficult to see our way.  It is only after the dust has settled that we arrive at a place of peace with everything.  We realize that job, while we had it, allowed us to eat and pay our bills. We realize that relationship taught us valuable lessons about who we are at our core.  We realize that friendship, while only for a season, was just what we needed at the time.

If it brought you to who you are today, don’t regret.  Embrace it because one time it did make you smile.

Thought Provoking #10

the-first-timeIf I had one dollar for every time I’ve used this quote or told someone else about it, I’d have a nice stash of cash. People are always showing us who they are but unfortunately we keep missing the message. You can apply this thought provoking quote to all types of life relationships. Whether it’s professional or personal, it will happen. When it does, you have a choice to make.

Ladies and gentleman please read these words closely. It’s not what someone says – it’s what they do that matters.

So many of us have stayed in relationships well past their expiration date because we hung onto words when actions were what we needed to be paying attention to. I’ve had many late night girlfriend conversations where the words “But, he told me…….” came into the conversation. Love is a verb. It’s action. If you pay attention in the early stages of any new relationship the other person will show you exactly who they are. When they do – believe them!

When someone shows you lack of integrity or dishonesty the first time, know that this will be followed many other times, and at some point in life it will come back to haunt or hurt you. I worked at a company for many years where the owner put me through pure hell. I saw the writing on the wall after being there for two months but I stayed anyway. We sometimes have to deal with things we don’t like in the name of financial survival. When I finally got the courage to leave years later, my spirit took a beating but looking back over the abuse I realized that I was shown very early on and chose to ignore it because of a fat paycheck. In hindsight it wasn’t worth it.

Whatever relationship may be affected in your life, when someone shows you who they are the first time – Believe them!

Infatuation’s Final Destination

“Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never dared to admit you wanted-an emotional speed-ball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement.
Soon you start craving that intense attention, with a hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy, and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore — despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, got-damn it, because he used to give it to you for free.

distraught-woman-Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have ‘that thing’ even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you’re someone he’s never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You’re a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes.

So that’s it! You have now reached infatuation’s final destination– the complete and merciless devaluation of self.”

Author – Elizabeth Gilbert

I’d like to know what book this excerpt came from.   I ran across it this morning on the internet and thought it was so POWERFUL I just had to share it.   Elizabeth Gilbert is the author of several books, most notably, Eat, Pray, Love.

The message is very clear:  DON’T DEVALUE YOURSELF IN THE NAME OF LOVE.