I discovered YouBetterPreach dot com from Facebook. It’s actually refreshing to find a man dispensing such valuable information for women. What we deal with, and this goes for both men and women, is often tied to our own issues of self-worth. If you’re not getting what you want in the relationship, don’t blame the other party, take a look in the mirror. I’ll continue to say it: “We teach people how to treat us.” (Dr. Phil gets the credit for the quote) Isn’t it time to get off the clearance rack?
A mentor once said to me, “You attract what you are!” It was mind-blowing for me. I’d had a few failed relationships that I had a hard time reconciling in my 20s. Why? Why did he hurt me? What did I do? The things I really didn’t like about myself were being mirrored in the relationships I was having. To make a long story short – I grew from those experiences. I learned to stop asking why and wondering for months on end what I did wrong. It’s really a matter of self esteem. As my self esteem grew stronger, because let’s face it, your 20s are the biggest learning curve of your life, my needs, desires and wants grew stronger.
I’m not a big fan of Dr. Phil but I do hold firm to his phrase, “We teach people how to treat us.” If you’re in a no-win relationship step back and do some analysis. The only reason you’re staying is because you’ve subconsciously convinced yourself it’s what you deserve. It must be! You’re still in it but you’re still miserable waiting for things to change. It might sound like a cliche but there is truth in: The only person you can change is you!
If you subconsciously don’t believe that you deserve BETTER, you won’t get it.
Elizabeth Gilbert wrote:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in.”
Happy Valentines Day
Like you, throughout my life, I’ve had some disappointments with jobs, relationships, family and friends. I’ve been in the “pit” when I felt so low I wondered if I would ever smile again. Like Lucille Ball says, “You have to keep busy and make optimism a way of life.” It’s easier said than done but whenever I find myself going to a dark place because of some life event – I’ve learned to busy myself. Go for a walk, clean out your closet, bake a cake or volunteer your free time. What you can’t do is wallow in self-pity. If you focus only on what’s bringing you down, it will keep you down.
Being a woman has its challenges. Any woman reading this will agree with me. For centuries, it’s just the way it is. We are mothers, fathers, employees, cooks, housekeepers, taxi-drivers, and many of us balance our household budgets attempting to avoid falling off our own fiscal cliffs. We give and give until there is absolutely nothing left. There always seems to be one more thing to do. In short, we’re tired as hell!
In 2013 I’ve made a conscious decision (not a resolution) to take some time for myself. I want to do something every single day that I can say is “just for me.” It could be stealing 20 minutes to read a chapter in a book, or going for a walk in the neighborhood. At this point I’d appreciate simply sitting still for 30 minutes with my eyes closed.
Steal a little time for yourself in the upcoming year.
In 2013 – BE THE QUEEN! Happy Holidays!
Many of us were raised with our parents teaching us, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.” Gossip is venomous! It sells magazines and promotes dissension. Men and women alike are guilty of it, but women tend to do it more. We all know someone who never has anything nice to say about another person. These people have a need to feel superior to others. If you had the chance to look into their lives you would find they are miserable.
The worst part is that we usually gossip based on limited or false information. Would we act the same way if we knew the whole truth? Probably not! I’ve arrived at a solution for people who come to me with gossip. I stop them in their tracks. Why are you telling me this? That usually brings about immediate silence as well as a dumbfounded look. The truth of the matter is: you can’t engage in gossip unless you have a willing participant.
Gossip will not go away but if we all could practice “nice” the world certainly would be a better place. Tend to the weeds in your own backyard!
If I had one dollar for every time I’ve used this quote or told someone else about it, I’d have a nice stash of cash. People are always showing us who they are but unfortunately we keep missing the message. You can apply this thought provoking quote to all types of life relationships. Whether it’s professional or personal, it will happen. When it does, you have a choice to make.
Ladies and gentleman please read these words closely. It’s not what someone says – it’s what they do that matters.
So many of us have stayed in relationships well past their expiration date because we hung onto words when actions were what we needed to be paying attention to. I’ve had many late night girlfriend conversations where the words “But, he told me…….” came into the conversation. Love is a verb. It’s action. If you pay attention in the early stages of any new relationship the other person will show you exactly who they are. When they do – believe them!
When someone shows you lack of integrity or dishonesty the first time, know that this will be followed many other times, and at some point in life it will come back to haunt or hurt you. I worked at a company for many years where the owner put me through pure hell. I saw the writing on the wall after being there for two months but I stayed anyway. We sometimes have to deal with things we don’t like in the name of financial survival. When I finally got the courage to leave years later, my spirit took a beating but looking back over the abuse I realized that I was shown very early on and chose to ignore it because of a fat paycheck. In hindsight it wasn’t worth it.
Whatever relationship may be affected in your life, when someone shows you who they are the first time – Believe them!
Before you Pray – Believe!
I’ve always believed in the power of prayer and I really do attempt to pray before things fall apart. It’s human nature to fall to our knees when trouble strikes but we must remember to pray when things are going well also. A pastor told me years ago that if I say nothing except “Thank you Lord” that was sufficient, so I try to start each day by saying Thank you. A little goes a long way. There’s a saying “Leave it at the altar.” Make your request to God known and leave it alone. There are only three responses to our prayers. Yes, No and not right now. Your relationship with God will let you know what the answer is for you. Faith is a powerful thing.
Before you Speak – Listen!
Listening requires a lot of discipline. We’re always busy thinking of our response to the words we hear that sometimes we fail to hear the message being delivered in our conversations with others. I’ve learned that many disagreements could be solved much sooner once we learn how to fully listen.
Before You Spend – Earn!
Credit cards are the root of all evil. Many people will be in shambles come January 2013 when those credit card bills begin showing up because they financed Christmas day. If this economy has had any lesson, it would be: before you spend earn. Imagine how much peace of mind you could have if you weren’t in debt.
Before You Write – Think!
I’m amazed at some of the things I read on Facebook and online in general. It’s easy to sit behind a keyboard and write hateful things to people you don’t know. It’s also very cowardly. The bottom line is that every word you write becomes permanent. Every email, chat, and post becomes permanent. Nothing is sacred online.
Before You Quit – Try!
It’s been said that the moment people get close to success, they give up. The reality is that you can’t be successful if you don’t even try. A New Year is approaching. 2013 could be the year that your dreams finally come true. Maybe it’s time to stop talking and start doing. You just might win. Life is a game but you must be present to win.
Before You Die – Live!
Life is for the living. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, “If I died today, would I be satisfied with the life I’ve lived?” That old saying is true – Live each day like it’s your last – it just might be. Live-Laugh-Love.
One thing that’s certain about life is its ability to teach you who you are. Life knows what you are capable of! The only reason life has taken the time to point out your shortcomings is because Life wants to teach you who you are. I’ve always been a firm believer that these lessons will continue to come back around until we get them right.
Make a vow right now that in 2013 you will be devoted to stopping the things that do not honor who you are and who Life wants you to be.
This little gem is on a sticky note which hangs on the wall in my home office. How many times have you worried about things that never happened? I try to live life in such a way that I will not have regrets, but I’m human. Someone asked me once to look back at my life thus far and was there anything I would do differently? After a little thought I answered, “I wouldn’t have worried as much as did.” As a child of God I like to think that I relinguish control of my problems in prayer, but then I find myself still hanging on to them. What it has taught me is:
Fear and faith cannot exist in the same space.
Just a thought!